I'm in it and it sucks.
It is a weird feeling to see what the next step in your life is, but not know exactly how it is you are going to get there. I do know how to get there, but it'll only 'truly' become apparent as it is happening. It is remarkably moronic, I know.
And I'll be 24 in a little over two weeks.
That's right. 24.
I'm nearly halfway through my 20s. It is mind boggling to think about. Sort of like when you try to imagine how the universe began. You are only able to get so far before your brain hurts because what you cannot comprehend what comes next. Or, in the case of the universe analogy, before.
If that didn't make any sense, thinking about me being 24, when it feels like I was just freshmen in high school, hurts my brain.
It's just so strange to me. I don't even remotely look like a 24 year old. I could probably pass for 17. This will be a blessing when I'm 48 and look 40. It would really come in handy when picking up women. Lets be honest though. If I'm single at 48, I fucked up big time.
I suppose that may actually be one my fears (I don't really have many: big spiders, sharks... you know what? I'll just do a separate blog on that subject). That my particular brand of crazy (we're all a little crazy) doesn't have a counterpart. Or that I'll somehow alienate whomever gets close to me because, objectively speaking, I can be annoying as hell to be around.
I think I need to go hiking again.
"Mathematics" - Mos Def
Showing posts with label Mushy crap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mushy crap. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Monday, May 10, 2010
So maybe I'm a Romantic
How do you tell someone you barely know that, to you, they are 'perfect'? I like to think that a person should always have someone who reminds them that life does not completely suck. Someone who keeps you 'connected' to life.
A "constant", to borrow an idea from LOST.
I cannot believe I just typed such a thing.
I have an incredibly hard time of verbally expressing affection toward anything (I think this is why I love to write). Of course, this only applies when I like something; showing dislike is an old hat to me. I've somehow rationalized in my mind that to do so would be a form of weakness. As if doing so would give anyone witnessing said affection an upper hand on me or allow them to understand me better.
It is completely ridiculous and stupid.
What makes it even more ridiculous and stupid is that I would like nothing more than to have someone understand me. I am not trying to paint myself as some complex individual. I'm no more complex than the next guy.
OK. Maybe I'm slightly more complex.
But only slightly.
It is because of this mental block that rarely have any 'truly' meaningful conversations with anyone outside of my mother and father. And my mother has said on numerous occasions that she wished we talked more. With me it is 100% superficial whatever% of the time I can keep it that way.
I know. I'm an idiot.
But back to the problem at hand. How do you tell someone that? How do you let someone see you without any of your barriers up? Which in my case is too many to count. I suppose the easy answer is, just do it. That's what most people would say, but the problem with that answer is those people do not have to live with the repercussions that you have to. That is why it's an easy answer.
I think a thoughtful answer would say, "You might get burned, but if you like this girl enough, then the worries you have shouldn't get in your way".
That is the answer I would give.
I think it is the answer I am looking for, but it still does not alleviate my worries. The sad thing is that I can think of a hundred of ways I would look like a moron and lose a friend, but only one way where I do not.
The glass is always half-empty with me.
A "constant", to borrow an idea from LOST.
I cannot believe I just typed such a thing.
I have an incredibly hard time of verbally expressing affection toward anything (I think this is why I love to write). Of course, this only applies when I like something; showing dislike is an old hat to me. I've somehow rationalized in my mind that to do so would be a form of weakness. As if doing so would give anyone witnessing said affection an upper hand on me or allow them to understand me better.
It is completely ridiculous and stupid.
What makes it even more ridiculous and stupid is that I would like nothing more than to have someone understand me. I am not trying to paint myself as some complex individual. I'm no more complex than the next guy.
OK. Maybe I'm slightly more complex.
But only slightly.
It is because of this mental block that rarely have any 'truly' meaningful conversations with anyone outside of my mother and father. And my mother has said on numerous occasions that she wished we talked more. With me it is 100% superficial whatever% of the time I can keep it that way.
I know. I'm an idiot.
But back to the problem at hand. How do you tell someone that? How do you let someone see you without any of your barriers up? Which in my case is too many to count. I suppose the easy answer is, just do it. That's what most people would say, but the problem with that answer is those people do not have to live with the repercussions that you have to. That is why it's an easy answer.
I think a thoughtful answer would say, "You might get burned, but if you like this girl enough, then the worries you have shouldn't get in your way".
That is the answer I would give.
I think it is the answer I am looking for, but it still does not alleviate my worries. The sad thing is that I can think of a hundred of ways I would look like a moron and lose a friend, but only one way where I do not.
The glass is always half-empty with me.
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