Dreams

I love them.

Fun dreams.  Scary dreams.  Awkward dreams.  Serious dreams.  Recurring dreams.  Wishful dreams.  Hopeful dreams.  Dreams that are really memories.  What if? dreams.  Daydreams...

...wet dreams.  Hahaha.  I'm an awkward. ("I'm an awkward" is an inside joke.)

I love waking up from a crazy dream and trying to remember what happened.  If I can, then I try to piece together the dream.  I've noticed that almost always my dreams are a melting pot of what I had experienced during the day. 

It's interesting to go, "oh, that part of the dream is because of this and this part is because of that."

The worst dreams are the ones where it's a memory and what happens is what you would've liked to have happened in reality.

I have one where I don't lose my final high school soccer game.  The worst part of that day was being taken out with 7 minutes to go for some underclassmen.  I played my ass off and my piece of shit coach took me and a couple other seniors out, while leaving two others in (his favorites).  I'll never forget that.  Sometimes we don't tie the game up and win, but I always get to finish the game.

When I was a kid I used to have a dream where a T-rex was wreaking havoc in my neighborhood.  Then velocipraptors would show up. 

That was always a fun one.  I haven't had it in a while though.

I think the earliest dream I can remember having is one where I get to the top of this impossibly tall wooden bridge.  High above crashing waves and rocky shoreline.  Then I'd fall.  I don't think I ever hit the bottom.  Maybe I did, but I haven't had that dream for some time either.

What if? dreams are the best, however.

What if I'd kissed the girl?  What if we hadn't moved?  What if I hadn't broken my leg?  The soccer dream/memory is one of these.  They are usually heart-breaking because nothing is worse than wondering, "what if?".  Why are they the best then?  Because you get to live in moments you'll never experience otherwise.  A sad thought, but it is most definitely true.

I love dreams.
Daydreaming in class is what made me realize I should be a writer. (And it is funny, many of the stories I write have some aspect of them (large or small) that relate to dreams)

What if I wasn't a daydreamer?

"You Know What" - N.E.R.D.

Why I Hate February

#1 - The Weather:
It can never seem to make up its mind.
Like today, it was a torrential downpour outside and became progressively colder all day.  It's twice as worse because, in Indiana, the weather already can't make up its mind.

#2 - Valentine's Day:
This holiday is crap.
When you care about, or love, someone you shouldn't need one random ass day in February to be the day to show it.  Do it all the time.  And it's not like you can avoid this made up holiday.  It's always in your face.

#3 - It's the 2nd month of the year:
The luster of the new year has worn off.
And, chances are, there's someone in your neighborhood, maybe even in your home, that has yet to remove all their Christmas decorations.  It's sad.  Sad that the Holidays are gone and sad they're so lazy.

#4 - No more NFL:
I nearly forgot this one.
And how could I?  This is may be #1 for others, but other sports can usually fill the void left by football for me.  It's made worse by the fact that MLB starts to gear up around this time.
I hate, absolutely hate, baseball.

February is so crummy it can't even make up its mind on how many days it should have.

There are only two good things about this month.

My friend Andrea's birthday (the 5th)...
...and conversation hearts (they are delicious, especially the ones en espanol).

So, to summarize.  February sucks.

"Unwell" - Matchbox Twenty

A Beautiful Place

That's one of the many ways you can describe Rocky Mountain National Park.

It is breath-taking there.  And I mean that literally (it's pretty high up) and figuratively.

Long's Peak

The first time I visited there was back in the Summer of '08 with my little bro, Cam, and our dad.  I had fun, but I was not a happy person back then.  I was horribly out of shape (read: fatty) and hiking to 12,000+ ft. is really not the easiest thing to do when you're not fit.  Yet I still enjoyed it out there because I love nature and simply getting away from things.  (hiking along the Continental Divide is a great way to do that)

We went back again the following Summer ('09) and I was still out of shape and still unhappy.  It is no fun when you have to tell your dad and brother you can't go any further because you're exhausted.  I still made it pretty far into the trails, but holy shit is it demoralizing to quit when you're surrounded by all that stunning scenery.  At least the view is incredible when you have quit.

Cut to this past Summer ('10) when we returned yet again.  This time I was a completely different person.  Physically and mentally.  A friend I had made during the spring semester at IU had gotten me into running with her and I more or less did that every day from the first day I went with her.  (This friend was Andrea.  I am indebted to her and so grateful for her because of this)  Really, the physical change created the mental change as I just felt infinitely better about myself; like possibly a girl could be interested in me.

This time I was the one leading the trails.  I actually had to slow down on our hikes because I was trucking along.  It felt so good.  I wasn't sure that all my exercising had been enough, but when you don't feel the need to take a break while hiking Long's Peak, then you've definitely made a significant change.

I don't know when I'll be able to return to Rocky Mountain National Park because my hope is to have a job after I graduate (finally) this May.  I would love to make a trip out there this March on my Spring Break, but I've no one to do this with and that's part of the fun of going; making the long drive out there with people you enjoy being around.



Sitting at 13,000+ ft.

We have to hike all the way back through that!?



It is probably my favorite place in the world at this point in my life.  It's a place where I can recharge, unwind, be pensive, get a great workout in, and, oh yeah, take kick ass pictures.

 "The Good Life" - Chiddy Bang





Videogame Face

You know what it is. If you've ever looked over at a friend while they are playing a videogame, you've noticed that focused/determined look in their eyes; like they are in a trance. The slightly opened mouth that sometimes happens in times of extreme pressure or intense focus.

Everyone has a videogame face.

It's like an ohhh face. Not as awkward, but just as funny.

And I'm going to start posting people's videogame faces on here. I should post the game they're playing too. Perhaps a trend will emerge? Hahaha.

Andrea James playing SSX 3 and Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker.

The Reason I Love Giving Gifts

I love seeing people look this happy.

Inheritance

It is weird how we embody our parents. How a thing like personality or demeanor can be passed on. I am so like my mom in some ways. I would say that the traits I love most in myself are ones that you could find in her as well.

We are both so thoughtful. What is a simple gift we put together for someone, would be considered extravagant for most.

That thoughtfulness extends beyond simply giving someone a gift.

No. It's the meaning the gift has to its receiver. The way it's wrapped. The way you give it to them.

I said this to my mom last night, "it's all about the presentation".

I'm pretty sure I've heard her say that before.

The thing I inherited that I love most, however, is that I just do these things because it's part of my nature. I don't consider it to be going out of my way to put a lot of thought into a gift for someone. It just feels right when I do it.

My mom is pretty awesome. And, by the transitive property, so am I.

Hahaha. I am so modest sometimes.

Ok. Random thought time:

-Jan. 29, 2011-
"I better get at least a hug or a kiss on the cheek out of this."

The Blog Ultimatum

What's that in the sky? A bird? A plane?

No. It's a new blog.

To echo a sentiment I expressed in a blog nearly a year ago, "I am truly a failure as a blogger".

I think the best way to remedy my blogging dysfunction is to keep things short. No long wind stories of how I like some girl and don't know how to tell her.

Who honestly wants to read that?

I don't even want to read that.

Those are the worst kind of blogs. Just tell the damn person how you feel for crying out loud. Hopefully they feel the same way and if they don't, maybe they'll come to feel that way. But more importantly, don't expect someone to magically fall in love with you. The reality is you may actually have to put in some work and will likely be burned time and time again.

You see what I just did there?

That's a condensed version of one of those very blogs.

I know. Devilishly clever of me, wasn't it?

But back to the actual point I was making. This blog will only be short thoughts, stupid thought, musings, ideas, stupid ideas, etc. Until I can actually string together a good month or two of blogging, I will not be trying to write a lengthy blog.

A good analogy would be someone whom hasn't run in ages going out and expecting to run a considerable distance. That shit's not going to happen. You've got to build up to it.

That's a brilliant analogy if I do say so myself.

And with that ultimatum, here are some thoughts:

-Jan. 24, 2011-
"It is a wonderful, powerful feeling when you make someone smile. There may not be a thing I'd rather see than someone smile because of me."

-Jan. 28, 2011-
"Wouldn't you rather wonder 'what if I had not', not 'what if I had'." I think it'd be easier to live with the result of having acted instead of having not done anything at all."

-Jan. 22, 2011-
"Expecting a person to act any way other than the way that they are is irresponsible. And to do that to a friend is even worse. Accept people for who they are. It will make your life infinitely easier."

-Numerous times in the past few months-
"Eventually you are going to meet some girl who is going to think everything about you is fabulous." (I love my mom)

-Jan. 16, 2011-
"Unbeknownst to me, all these years, I've been wearing 'The Friend Zone' by Calvin Klein. (that one is my favorite)

Later.